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The Internet and Stupidity

February 23, 2010

The interwebby allows just about anyone with the ability to push an on button to express their thoughts to the world in all their grammatically incorrect, horribly spelt and illogically argued glory.

As an online scriber I frequent a number of online forums for writing.  One is completely private and our Pinky and the Brain style plots to take over the online universe are never exposed to the eyes of others.  The two others are on sites which I am using for income, Suite101 and Elance, so I am semi-kinda professional and stuff when I post there.

Now, there probably aren’t too many blog readers who have never visited an online forum…but just in case…basically people ramble on about whatever verbal diarrhea they happen to be spewing that day with amplified personalities due to the anonymity of the internet.  You know the formula: computer+access to audience=instant douchebag.

Now many of these forums actually offer constructive advice and feedback.  The vast majority are fairly normal people…I only consider myself “fairly” normal, so that is intended as a compliment.

BUT

There are idiots that destroy others trust in humanity in the evolution of the genus Homo.  A few of the more memorable among these are:

  • The Know-it-All: this person (generally male) knows everything about everything and must proffer his opinion on every post and every subject, being sure to point out that every opinion that is not in accord with his own is patently wrong.  Subject likely lives in mother’s basement and has never touched a naked girl not made of plastic.
  • The Martyr:  woe is me …woe is me…poor little me, the world is so difficult. Yup, it is.  Now buck up, grow a pair and STFU.  We all have problems and likely if you can afford a computer, a home with electricity to run said computer and internet access to post your whining, it really ain’t all that bad.
  • The Dimwit: (usually a female)…oh, hi…I just don’t understand…can you explain how to do 417 things to me because I am just a little confused and it would help me ooooh so much..*giggles and flips hair* Um, look it up, that’s why information on everything from “How to Build and Atomic Bomb” to “The Most Practical Ways to Dispose of Belly Button Lint” is on the internet.
  • The Nutter: person who is honestly batshit crazy and has their entire trailer covered in tin foil and wears a special protective helmet that blocks the CIA’s thought extractor from functioning.
  • The Attention Whore: everybody look at ME!  My parents didn’t give me enough attention growing up, thus I seek it from random strangers on the internet.  I also make a spectacle of myself at any social function, ramble on while not actually uttering anything worth hearing and basically make anybody withing earshot of my voice want to reach for the nearest weapon to put me out of their misery as soon as possible.

For those who frequent these forums to actually gather useful information or to offer help and guidance to others, the aforementioned douchebags create an environment that makes you want to pitch your laptop out the window and onto the heads of innocent passersby.

Please, if you are one of the above, have your fingers cryonically frozen to spare the rest of the world from your inane blathering.

Thank you.

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